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boshga
Legendary Hero
Age: 29
Joined: 01 Apr 2007
Posts: 951
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I open a new book... and put the others away. A new life begins for me, in the town of quarvaar. There are however many secrets to my past, that I am starting to learn the truth of. If anything else, the day of night has helped uncover certain truths about my life. I wonder if anyone cares for the words I write or if they will be remembered in future. Would anyone really like to get to know the real me?
The truth of the heart of Darkness...
I was a child... a tiefling. Perfect for this cult. I was placed upon an altar and they asked me to touch this gem and then, I would be free to go. I touched the gem. Its bold dark lines, and a beating heart... and I heard whispered a name... Scalara...
By coincidence or fate, the gem was an artifact that belonged to one of my ancestral demons... I have learned many of my line are long gone.. destroyed by divine religious orders who feared something might come of us.
I was the last one.. and I had touched the mantel... the heart of darkness... I saw a flash of light, the gem.. disappeared within me.
I was allowed to leave... and shortly after, the order was slain by their enemies. I hid away... the memories were burred.. and then the Order of Twilight came for me.
.....
I was well taken care of.. cleaned.. bathed.. a pain inside me had subsided... but I had to go... something was calling me to the land of High hold... that strange wonderful machine, deep underneath the hill... I never did find out its secrets, before it was destroyed.
that is all i can remember at the moment.. but I am sure i will remember more.
I have found joy and love in someone... I dare not say who as there are many, that would take away my joy. But he is a wonderful man that seems to care deeply for me. I get butterflies in my stomach just thinking about him. He also has it in his power, to free me from Bane's curse. I am.. a little afraid over what I have to do to accomplish this feat... but it is for the best.
Am I selfish? Perhaps... but if I do not go through with it, I will have to.. bring harm to Belia. Should I tell her the price I paid to ensure... her new way in life. I was saddened to see her swear to follow the path of Bane and her new husband. I somehow expect the woman to kill Bane and take His place though.
With Rose's help, enough money was raised to found an orphanage in Quarvaar. I feel satisfied with it. Its a very homely place- I had to ensure they understood that. I miss my elven friend deeply. I wish she could.. understand why I get mad at her sometimes. She treated me too much like a child...
Besides the issue with bane, I find myself helping the gem bearers now and then. Beren nearly got me thrown out of Quaervaar. His stupid gem brings out Lilian the Dark...
I have to be careful when I think of her.. shes always on my mind. She is everything I have ever resisted for my entire life. She was the being awakened, by the chosen of Velsharoon, all those years ago- then I thought destroyed by the silver singer. But there is one thing she has that i am envious of..
She is smart... she is confident... she can get away with anything... she can somehow look exotic and not monstrous... she seems to know exactly how to inspire lust in any being she meets...
... shes everything I am not... but at some points in my life, wish I could have been... unabashed.. relentless... strong...
From what I can gather of the jumbled memories of her possession, she was.. intrigued to meet Beren.. who made such a mess that I was nearly thrown out. Elsie still wont speak to me.
Elsie... how i enjoyed her company. She was one of the few that said I did not look like a monster. She made me feel better about myself. Now she says I've changed- my wings and horns make me a monster.
I was so close to asking the church if I may follow Milekki... she was that inspirational. But now, after seeing the fear in her eyes, the hatred of my form... I curse that god for toying with my feelings. I almost believed... almost. But like so much, it was all a lie.. all just a lie.
Is there any god out there... for me?
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boshga
Legendary Hero
Age: 29
Joined: 01 Apr 2007
Posts: 951
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Each seed was born of potential. The breeze scattered them, some would land on the glorious dirt and mud, eager to grow. To turn that ooze, into luscious greenery.
A person was like this, and his or her experiences were as the wind. Tossing them this way and that... sometimes burning, freezing, threatening, destroying... but without these experiences, a seed could never leave... and it would never find a place to grow... it would never thrive...
A person would never know their true potential.
Lilian knew this. Not in words perhaps but with instinct. Awoken by her pain, the pain of losing the gems... she was more Clover, then Clover herself was. Lilian the Dark she called her, but only because Clover did not understand... She only had her best interest in mind. After all, they were 'sisters' ... were they not? Clover would deny that she knew her, but she did... she knew a great deal about her. The potential, to become... a power... Yet she would throw it away... they both knew of each other, and they needed the other...
She was awake, as clover lay in darkness... rubbing at the mark, that spawned her birth, that of the gem stone... her body was hot with fury, and passions... her red tail flicked as she looked herself in the mirror... the pain clover must have felt was enough to break the seal... that contained her.
The heart of destruction, had met the heart of darkness... and accidentally, released it.. undoing the work- albeit partly, of the Order... the Order of Twilight.
Rumour might suggest that her possession meant a desire to take over the world.. to maim and destroy, to herald a new darkness...
but no. Lilian was limited... still. She loathed to admit it, but her link to Clover remained very strong. She was all of clovers darkest desires, but the tiefling did not desire to harm the world... She had other desires of course, and they fuelled her fire. Burning her body deep inside with primal, dark energy of the abyss. This was not the heat of the infernal... no... this was the cold simpleness... a state of chaos... passion... feelings...
Lilian was.. satisfied though. Yes..., for the moment anyway. Patient, that the girl was at last, furfiling her destiny... and Tyber too, was close to fulfilling his.
"Oh clover... for anyone to love you, they would have to love me as well... but I know, you can never show this part of yourself... to him. Rest well sister... we have much work to do..."
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Clover woke.
She felt a familiar craving... but denied it. She had to think on all the events- the strange dream.
"Was it a dream?" she asked to nobody in particular, as she got herself dressed. She paused for a moment at the mirror, noting her eyes... did they look different? And the markings along her skin... she touched the strange unknown tattoos that were sprinkled on her frame, like a leopards spots... or a vipers scales. Like much about her, it depended on perspective, she mused. Still, she felt she could do without such strange markings... and the wings... and the horns...
That dream... she saw Tyber. And he gained his wings back... Clover could not be happier for him. Wait- was she delirious? "He... hurt me..." She reminded herself. The pain of the gems... the loss...
'He saved you' A distant voice said. 'you would have kept those gems until they killed you... if not for him'
"But I ... could control..." Couldn't she have controlled it?
'No.... you could not dear... the power of the gems of destructions, are not for mortal hands... for all your uniqueness, you are still mortal..."
Clover wondered if she was going mad.. talking to herself like this.. forgiving... Tyber? Forgiving?! Him?!
She clenched her fist, but it was true... there were always things unsaid between them. Their interaction was always strange... and clover... was she now becoming.. obsessive to know... to know how he is able to withstand.. pain?
Clovers life has always been painful, and she refused illmatars help. Because it belittled pain... and made one weak against it. Sacrificing ones self could be a noble act but martyrdom seemed... wasteful.
In the dream clover had a choice... she was hurt, and she could choose if to feel the pain or to not feel it. She felt her broken leg with no pain at all... but something told her this was wrong. She demanded to feel pain. She had to feel it.. and it came back. it came back stronger then ever. Clover felt wave after wave of her broken bones screaming in agony...
yet it did not compare, to the pain Tyber had inflicted on her...
She screamed.. for a while.. a minute maybe... as she slowly got used to the pain.. and kept the weight of her foot off, binding it.. bandaging it.. focusing everything she could to healing it. Itch stitching of skin and flesh gave another needle of pain... an embrace of a kiss, from the Angel of pain itself, as she accepted the gift...
But that was not her only gift... in the fight, she became delirious with poison, and became the plaything of all fools and gods... phantoms of the past rained before her eyes... but the dream turned light, and she heard the laughter of children.
Clover smiled... and thought of her orphanage. Those delightful children, who no doubt feared her as a monster. She could hear them screaming and held back the tears.
.... and she awoke, in a comfortable bed, in the temple of the earthmaiden. Cassy was tending to her, providing ointment to her wings.. though they were already regenerating quite quickly. She slumbered with a little smile, as she thought again of the children, their laughter not directed at her.. but of joy and play. A life, she never had.
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boshga
Legendary Hero
Age: 29
Joined: 01 Apr 2007
Posts: 951
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It has been a long time since I wrote my thoughts. It has been so long since I actually knew what I was thinking. My life a great wind of change and circumstances. My relations to my friends, sometimes strange, but I hope genuine.
I have been looking very introspective lately, and I have come to realise... how petty and selfish, I have been. casting out hands that offer aid to me, for the sake of pride, acting little more then a spoilt child. Such was my life in the early days. My defence is only, that I did not know any better. The life I had of always being on the run, from one place to the next... fleeting moments of clarity, but maddness driving me on.. urging me to take flight, from any that might offer me a home.
That was until I fell in love...
There are many kinds of love of course... and most I considered extremely dangerous... part of me still does. So much has changed, so many possibilities now exist. What will become of me? Will I suffer for this journey, or can it become a lasting legacy in this world? I feel a peace in myself I never had before- and a true desire, to find a god or goddess now. I do not wish to be consigned to the wall, not if it means I'm apart from my family. I want to enjoy existence- any existence, with them.
I regret I have not been to the inns as frequent as I would like to. My work in the orphanage takes a great deal of time. Apparently the children have an appetite to see magic now and then. The only person who has frequently been at the table during my late hours has been Simon Clampa..
Ah simon... even his name makes my hair stand on end. It feels so.. forbidden, for me to even call him a friend. He's a half celestial... and Im... a tiefling. One who's demon blood has been awakened sufficiently to gain dark wings of my own. Yet I find more in common with him, then I have anyone else- even fellow tieflings. I enjoy our philosophical discussions on the... alien aspects of our natures. We are so different, yet so alike.
I know he can sense the dark in me... yet he seems to accept it, just as much as my love does.
I saw Belia, and heard of the rumours about her. I feel so mixed on what to think. I love her as my sister still, even though I know we're not particularly close. There are times im sure she wishes her hands on my throat, and times I whisper poison of her name.. with regret now. When I saw her last, I felt an oppressive sadness in her eyes, and I found it difficult to speak to her as I always seem to do. I did as any sister would, and offered her shelter in my house. It was declined, but the door is always open to her. I know how proud she is... and that she is here, in Quarvaar, away from Lorkh fills me with a certain hope. Perhaps... she can escape Bane as well...
I saw Tyber briefly... I understand he was in some trouble, with the Lovitarians... I will aid him and offered it such as it was. Again, it was declined. Im sure he would rather die then accept any aid from someone like me... but what else can I do but offer?
I miss my other friends... Rose, and San. I hope wherever they are, they are happy.
My adventuring days seem at a close though... It might not be so bad...
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boshga
Legendary Hero
Age: 29
Joined: 01 Apr 2007
Posts: 951
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The forest spirits sent a warning to me. I could not survive, without my darker nature. My horns that were taken from me, reflecting all those aspects of me.
The sins that are part of all humans are an aspect of tieflings. A fundamental aspect of which we draw unique strength from. In loosing them I had become physically weaker, yet my mind clear and able to perceive the joy of living. Such a simple joy it can be.
To live, Darkness and light must be joined once more.
I had traced what happened to my horns to the imperceptor of Bane, residing in Lorkh. A direct attack would be foolhardy. My allies managed to find out that my horns were taken to a cave high in the mountains.
A sense guided me, a familiar scent... and it was in that cave, I saw and beheld a twisted mirror image of myself. Animal creature, with stripes for spots, and a sheen of fur. Long horns adorned her head. She was beautiful, dangerous, and capable of such terrible evils. However without me she was also without as much intelligence, and easily succumbed to the nature of tieflings. I used that nature to my advantage with the purity of arcane song magics, manipulating her mind.
The creature, called cloverspawn by the imperceptor, told me that she would kill me, draw my essence into her, thus becoming whole. The imperceptor planned to use her for Banes rule. I could not let that happen, I told her planely. Instinct made me fight for every breath of life, even- no especially from myself.
I took the ritual knife, and I embraced her as my sister... then stabbed her.
...
The act haunted me. We were destined to kill the other, yet if I am the light why did the solution come to me faster then for her? Why was I willing to commit murder... the essence of her form slowly entered into me. Darkness and light mixed, and I was whole again. I fought against it, tried to shackle and chain it as I always had but this time it had a fury in it a thousand times greater then before.
The child within me seemed to grow ever stronger as my body adapted.
I focused on the body, the blood still on the ground, soaking in dry soil. I Was determined to give it at least a proper burial, and convinced myself that it was the Imperceptor that must pay...
I felt the horns on my head return, sharper then ever before.
One day... he will pay.
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boshga
Legendary Hero
Age: 29
Joined: 01 Apr 2007
Posts: 951
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I have had many days of solitude, watching the fires, the sounds of people talking around me. I fear I have realised an inescapable conclusion... love may not conquer all, this one time. Karinam exists in a different world to me. The world of trees and forests, rich in elven lore and history. I was drawn to his world as well. A world of light and joy, oneness with nature. Its wonderful... but so high are the walls as you go closer and closer...
What do I have to offer in my own world.. my history is one of poverty and uncertainty to my past. A heritage of demon blood so chaotic there is madness underneath it all. Vague memories of a city i believe had to be Arabel, the darkness and a point of light somewhere I tried to walk towards... am I still walking towards that light when I saw Karinam...
My child would be drawn more to Karinams world then mine, and perhaps rightly so. She would succeed where I could not, aided by elven blood. I have already been warned she would have a closer tie to nature. She would go to those trees and be part of that world, while the grass would likely shrivel or catch fire where I walk.
And that means... I will have to say goodbye to her at some point. Strange that I lament this when shes yet to be born.. but soon...
.... I believe I finally understand, what happened with my own parents now. Perhaps their world was one they tried to shield me from as well... but at least this time my child will have someone... and even if I can't be with her, I will watch her.
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